The Unexpected Life

I hate Halloween.  Yes, I realize that I’m a week late for this horrid holiday, but, you see, I was hiding under the bed and forgot to take my laptop.  So, please excuse my tardiness.  Halloween scares me – make that “terrifies.”  Halloween terrifies me. (No pun intended.)

This is not a new problem.  I have never liked Halloween, even as a small child.  I think it might have something to do with all the news stories about children dying from poisoned candy.  What, you don’t remember those?  Ok, so maybe there weren’t that many, and maybe I never lived anywhere remotely near the areas in question, but that’s why we have news, right, to allow for panic to spread to previously unaffected areas?

If I’m honest, it has nothing to do with the tainted candy and everything to do with the awful masks and costumes and what they represent.  Have you seen some of these things?  This year I saw where some of them had even been animated.  What – because the monsters weren’t bad enough without being able to move?  Great, a reason for me to crawl further under the bed! Continue reading →

Abuse may come crashing in through the front door loudly commanding your attention, making its presence known unequivocally. Or, it may slip in surreptitiously through the backdoor, the one normally reserved for those most familiar, sit quietly in the corner of your kitchen biding its time, occasionally stirring to insidiously slip out to the far reaches of your home – your life, leaving a dark trail marking its path until every aspect of your soul has been violated by its desecrating tendrils.

When abuse shows up as the polite dinner guest, the one you didn’t invite or expect, but your spouse brought home, you make room for it at the table, maybe even make up the guest bedroom. Then it stays longer, becomes the unwanted houseguest who just never leaves that you grudgingly make space for in your life. Slowly, you adapt to the little changes that are necessary to keep the peace while giving away more and more of yourself. Years go by and the houseguest has taken over part of the place, maybe even moved into your bedroom, pushing you emotionally out into the cold. You don’t even really notice the changes throughout your home, the pieces of you shoved into corners, silenced into submission. Then one day when you look into the mirror you fail to recognize the stranger staring back. Continue reading →

I needed to kill some time the other day.  So, I wandered into a consignment store.  I found a beautiful black suede jacket originally from a high-end boutique with the chi-chi store’s tags still hanging from the sleeve.  The consignment maven was asking less than $15.00.  Did I buy that baby?  Absolutely!  I slid out my debit card quicker than you can say “bargain.”

I began my love affair with consignment stores my last year in high school.  That year my father’s company, a small defense contractor, was swallowed up by a bigger company – picture Pac-Man.  My family had been through this dance before; so, we knew what was  coming.  My father was now an executive, for all intents and purposes, at a subjugated country and so had instantly become extraneous and expendable.  In short order, his position was sent to the guillotine – the second time in less than 5 years.  He was devastated as were the family finances, and our entire family dealt with the fallout. Continue reading →

When we were children my sister, L, named her feet.  She called the left one Stinky and the right one John, or maybe I have that reversed.  I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter which one had the derogatory name because as an adult woman L treats both with equal care – bi-weekly pedis, hot stone massages, the whole girly thing.  Also, I’ve never seen evidence of a rebellious crisis: tattoos or any sneaking out of the shoe boxes at midnight to go party.  So, no long-term emotional scarring; it’s all good.

L has always marched to the beat of her own drum.  While I wore cute, frilly dresses with hand-smocking, nylon ankle socks with lace around the edges, and black patent-leather Mary Jane’s, L lived in neon sweaters over black and white striped leggings and red Reebok high-tops.  She was and continues to be her own person. Continue reading →

I was driving – read that as speeding – down a back road the other day, late – if you know me this will not come as a surprise – for a meeting with a friend. Speeding down Shenandoah County back roads is not an easy (or necessarily wise) thing to do; many of them are simply paved over cow paths. I am not kidding. So, there I was speeding down the windy, curvy, dangerous road and up ahead of me (cue dramatic music) Brake Lights! NOOOOO! Continue reading →

The best looking guy I know has auburn hair, bright blue eyes fringed in long dark lashes, and a killer smile.  He dresses well but smells like paste, and is only about three feet tall . Also, he is 4-years old.  This dapper gent who stole my heart the moment I laid eyes on him is named Max.

Max’s mom, M,  is one of my closest friends, and she’s an only child.  So, Max has lots of “Aunties” of which I am proud to be one.  As an auntie, I occasionally am offered the privilege of Max-sitting.  Now, I am not a novice at child care.  I’d attach a CV, but I can just summarize:  I babysat when I was a teen; I worked at a day care during my college summers; during college I worked at the Disney Store in the children’s department (Bet you didn’t know they had departments.);  I was a family practice/pediatric nurse/school nurse, etc.;  I have a niece and nephews; I volunteer with kids.  All this to say: I know how to babysit a toddler – no, really, I do.  Keep reading through to the end if at some point you become appalled and want to picket for my removal at anything that remotely has to do with kids. Continue reading →

Autumn in Virginia brings red and gold leaves, apple butter, and college homecomings.  I look forward to two of these.  Brilliant, vibrant colors smoothed across the Blue Ridge like a rippling quilt make my soul sing.  Apples cooked down with cinnamon scenting the air like fresh baked apple pie, and in the end you have a jar of deliciousness – what’s there not to like?  No, it’s that big “h” that leaves me trembling a-washed with anxiety.

I’m not philosophically opposed to Homecoming; returning to my “roots,” to the nest from which I learned to fly strums my heartstrings of nostalgia.  I love the honeyed notion of reconnecting with friends (and, let’s face it, fiends) I knew long ago.  I’ve changed – my goodness, how I’ve changed.   I’m sure they’ve changed.   Fear of reconnection is not the problem.  So, what’s the deal? Continue reading →

“I used up all my good at school.”  My nephew, Auz, was 4-years old when he delivered this, one of my favorite quotes.  Let me set the scene: my sister-in-law, J, and I relaxed over coffee and girl talk in their Texas kitchen at the end of the day while we waited for my brother, M, to arrive home (hopefully) with Auz in tow.

Suddenly the front door flew open and a pint-sized blond Tasmanian Devil  spun into the foyer and across the house.  He came to rest at his mother’s feet, enormous green eyes glowing up at her.  His little jaw was set determinedly – think Leonidas facing the arriving crazed mass of Persians, though now that I say that it occurs to me that episode didn’t end well.  But I digress.  Back to the kitchen in Texas. Continue reading →

I run because it keeps me sane.  Some people eat ice cream; some people drink vodka; some people scrapbook; I run.  I limit myself to an hour or an hour and a half, and I am SLOOOWWW.  So, I might run 5 or 6 miles, but darn it, I’m running every one of those miles.

I do not listen to music while I’m running.  In a former life (I use that metaphorically not metaphysically.) I was an Air Force officer, and when I ran on base headphones were against regs (You civilians out there, that means they were BAD.).  That’s really smart if you think about it; 120lb person sharing relatively small blacktop with a 2000lb car traveling at speeds of ≥ 45 mph.  Now, I believe I have mentioned before that math was not my forte.  So, I have no idea what the algebraic equation would be if you wanted to know what would happen regarding force and speed; simplified, I’d get squished.  Kinda makes you look at earbuds in a whole new horrible, bloody light, doesn’t it? So, needless to say, I’ve never reverted to the life-threatening earbuds.  Instead, as a way of keeping my mind occupied I pray – is that weird?  Continue reading →

The night sky over Flagstaff, Arizona, shines brightly with a myriad of stars.  It shimmers as if someone with a palm full of glitter blew a gentle dusting of the shiny stuff over the heavens.  Even the city’s street lights know not to interfere with the stars;  the city is designated as an International Dark Sky Community.  That didn’t happen until 2001, but even when I was a child – we won’t discuss how long ago that was – the night skies were beautifully dark.

I was 9 years old the first time I saw those skies.  We had moved to Arizona from Florida in the middle of summer, and none of us were happy.  It was HOT in Phoenix, hot like I had never imagined possible, like none of us had imagined.  So, every weekend we packed up and hit the trail – in this case the I-17N – to Flagstaff.  If you’re unfamiliar with Arizona you may not realize that in addition to dry desert hell, Arizona also provides gorgeous 7,000 – 9,000 feet pine mountains.  These cool mountain majesties are where you would drop your pin for Flagstaff, and this is where we hauled our pop-up weekend after weekend.  Continue reading →