Monthly Archives: August 2015

Not all disabilities are visible. Currently an intense montage of photos of returned US service members diagnosed with PTSD staring at themselves in the mirror is making its way around FB. What we see, the actual image of the person, shows a put together, functioning individual, reintegrating into the society they’ve volunteered to defend. But what these men and women see in the mirror (and so do we) is someone with a gun pointed at their own forehead ready to pull the trigger or downing a bottle of liquor or any other number of horrific things. You see, these men and women, who apparently have fought through their own corner of Hell and came through the other side looking like the same individual who left simply mere months before is not. That before person disappeared somewhere in the quagmire of their service to our nation, their service to us. Continue reading →

As a rule I do not watch or read anything related to Nicholas Sparks. Frankly, his stories leave me nauseated. Quite simply, life (and love) do not work in the “real” world as they do in Mr. Sparks’ plot lines: male and female, one of them undoubtedly broken and, therefore, ridiculously vulnerable, fall in love; some sort of achingly sweet romance, then one of them dies, or at least someone dies. Someone ALWAYS dies. (Why does someone always die, Mr. Sparks? Why? Why?????)

I broke my own rule the other night. Why? I was bored; I was lonely; I’d canceled cable, and now have Apple TV. I’d seen everything else that seemed even remotely tolerable. I‘m out of excuses; so, I’ll just confess that I watched one of Mr. Sparks’ latest cinematic efforts at convincing us that love is not effort, choice, or action but simply a force of nature. And I wasn’t disappointed; nope, I got exactly what I’d expected – 2 hours, give or take a few minutes, of starry-eyed, star-crossed lovers. As the inevitable tragic ending faded into the credits, and I was wiping the tears from my eyes, (Just because it nauseates me does not render me immune. I’m a girl. What can I say?), I began to wonder how damaging Mr. Sparks’ view of love could be to “real” world relationships.

I think it comes down to our expectations of people and how “romantic” movies alter those expectations. What do I believe that a man should be and do? What do men in this world believe that women – that I – should be and do? Please understand, I completely comprehend that Mr. Sparks is not the sole delinquent liable for our skewed perspectives on relationships standards, but he and his ilk certainly contribute to them. It’s time to get things straight, to know what is reasonable, what is responsible when we consider someone else’s role in our lives. Continue reading →