Monthly Archives: June 2014

Sometimes I’ll sit down and start typing and the words flow like water, and sometimes I sit down and nothing comes. So, I wait, heart twisting in my chest because I know there is something I am supposed to say, something I am missing. I brush tears impatiently – hastily- aside. I don’t have time for tears; their very presence blocks my heart line to God. I can’t hear Him over those salty drops. And I think, ‘Why am I crying? Can’t be for Him. He gets His message through no matter the vector.’ Then I realize I’m crying for myself. For the me I thought I’d be 20 years ago, the me I want to be now, and the me I am; three very different people I assure you. And how did the crevice widen so far? Continue reading →

The summer following my college graduation was a waiting game – literally. I’m going to date myself, but back in 1996 when I graduated from University of Virginia with an AFROTC scholarship (Yes, shameless plug for one of the top 25 institutions in the county that just happens to be public.  There may be one or two more.), some of the armed services let nurses come on active duty before passing the nursing boards (NCLEX), and just used the not-yet-board-certified nurses however they could. But that didn’t suit the Air Force’s legendary style. No, no, no, not at all.  So, my waiting comprised of teaching 2 and 3 year olds at a local day care (Best job I’ve ever had.). Continue reading →

So, here I sit for the third day in a row in front of daytime television. I think I can actually see my IQ points floating away. Do I care, really, really, with every fiber of my being care which dress the 20 year-old bride on TV picks out? Not one iota. I think I might be a tad cynical right now, but all I can picture are my 2 very expensive wedding dresses carefully packed away only later to be thrown away, and I sigh. How am I really this cynical?

I believe in love; I believe in partnerships blessed by God, I believe in healthy marriages that can stand the tests of time and trials. My glass is normally half-full. This morning, however, I must’ve run out of OJ. Continue reading →

What makes a patriot?  I suppose it all depends on when one is born and where one is born.  In this day and age, are heroes made simply by putting on the uniform?  Does behavior count for naught?

I was an air force officer.  Honestly, I dreaded being one, but circumstances being what they were with my family, it was absolutely required if college was going to be an option.  Well, an option if I didn’t want to spend my entire high school life applying for scholarships. So, I would be an Air Force nurse.  I could’ve been an army or navy nurse, but I look best in blue.  So, I spent 4 years learning, growing, and resenting.  Looking back, the resentment was flat out stupid. I didn’t know any other nurse my age running her own clinic, and, yet, there I was in mine: managing personnel and staffing, managing a supply budget, managing/triaging patients.  It was a fabulous job, and I wasn’t even 25 yet. Seriously, I think you have to be at least 10 years past the experience to view how amazing the job/relationship/____________ was. Continue reading →

Anybody else seen “Maleficent?”  If you have you know that the story of “Sleeping Beauty” is told through a very sympathetic “bad fairy’s” eyes?  As I’ve never seen Angelina Jolie be anything other than fabulous, I looked forward to this Disney re-do immensely.  I loved this movie.  The good and bad in all of us, the hate and love, and the innocence that can see only love.

The dark fairy becomes the protector, somehow the villain looses her own heart to her “vile” enemy,  as Maleficent grows to love (or at least live in the “in-between”) Aurora through the years as she watches her little nemesis grow.  And Aurora has mistaken Maleficent  as her godmother.  But that’s enough for my purpose, and I hope I haven’t  given away too much.

I believe in love, and I believe in hate.  I also believe in the in-between.  Let me be clear.  This “in-between” is NOT a Christian concept I’ve ever heard preached from the pulpit.  But, I’d be willing to bet everything I have (Maybe cause that isn’t much.) that most people I know including self-identified Christians, understand that “in-between” space.  That space that says “I know I feel something, but I’m not sure what it is.  And, please, for both of our sakes don’t demand, anything yet.” Continue reading →

“Are you two back together with no yelling?” Z, my 6-year old, super-skinny nephew asked as he popped a piece of waffle in his mouth.  He was oh-so-casual in his Spiderman skivvies and nothing else, but I think his little heart really needed to know.  Yelling is a big part of his life, but our, Zak’s and mine,  relationship agreement (Yes, Z and I have a relationship agreement worked out.  Mainly this: you kid, me adult. You behave, no trouble.  You misbehave, trouble.  But big caveat: I don’t yell at him ever, and he doesn’t yell at me.  Sometimes I have to remind him.  I’ll say, “Zak remember our agreement? I don’t yell at you and…” then I wait the 3-5 minutes until he mutters, “I don’t yell at you.”  Sometimes I tease him just a little, tell him I can’t hear him until the both of us are laughing.) Continue reading →